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There's no covering up an active hardon. Shit happens in close quarters. By using this site, you agree to the Terms of Use and the Privacy Policy. When I first started masturbating, my entire family shared one computer in the living room at the time. For some reason back then, when I beat off, I would only lift my shirt and pull my head under the neck hole, leaving my arms in my sleeves like a god damn T-Rex. He either thinks I'm doing what I'm actually doing, or he thinks I'm beating off with syrup which would be horrible, I assume.

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I should also mention they always have their coffee and read the paper in said family room. One Christmas Eve when I was 16 years old, I had some "urges" I had to get out of me as part of my daily ritual. This gave me an incredible sense of power as a teenager, as well as a Teflon coating against the sometimes off-putting sexual overtures of my peers. This day went off without a hitch. Viewers with disabilities can get assistance accessing this station's FCC Public Inspection File by contacting the station with the information listed below.

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So I'm wailing on myself when the door flies open and the girlfriend … just the girlfriend … walks in to get a textbook or something. If you read enough descriptions of the benefits of masturbating, it basically sounds like it you jam out with your clam out enough, you turn into Keira Knightley — which was definitely not what was happening for me. Follow him on Twitter drewmagary and email him at drew deadspin. Here's more info on how to find free, confidential STD testing at a clinic near you. Masturbation and ejaculation. Just one more wank to go, I thought.

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